Head back to the Crazy World of Vic and Sade

1937-11-28 - Congress and the Supreme Court - by Paul Rhymer

From THE MAGIC KEY radio program

VIC: Your sweet face is painted with a happy leer. I apprehend you think you've won the game.

RUSH: I have won the game. Look here.

VIC: Hey, hey.

SADE: You fellas done with your rummies?

VIC: Dry Rot here just blundered into an accidental victory.

RUSH: Heck, it's always accidental when I win.

SADE: Better hop into that algebra studyin', hadn't you, son? It's gettin' on for eight o'clock. And don't fall asleep over your book like you done last night. I wanna see a decent report card this time. We're not sendin' great big monstrous boys to high school just to hear ourselves think, you know. Ah, paper states Mr. Vogel is better.

VIC: Yeah?

SADE: "Mr. T.W. Vogel of 718 Center Street, who has been seriously ill the past three weeks, is mendin' slowly. Although extremely feeble, he is able to visit the homes of his friends.”

VIC: You'd think his friends'd visit his home.

SADE: That's her.

VIC: Mis' Vogel?

SADE: Sure. She don't like people in her house.

VIC: Why not?

SADE: Oh, track up the carpet.

RUSH: Algebra sure is a rotten topic. Fails to hold an individual's interest.

SADE: You'll feel an individual's interest where you don't want it if that report card ain't up to snuff this time.

RUSH: Oh.

SADE: Oh, there's nothin' in this darn newspaper anymore.

VIC: That's what you say every night.

SADE: Well, there ain't. It's talky talk and stuff. Rush, get your feet down from there.

RUSH: I enjoy the sensation of twistin' my spine outta shape —

SADE: Get 'em down, I said. Uh, tells here about the Supreme Court doin' somethin' or other. What is that Supreme Court business?

VIC: You're askin' me rather an involved question. To answer it, I'd —

SADE: Part of the United States president, ain't it?

VIC: I wouldn't say it was part of him. Might be part of his —

SADE: Mis' Appelrot and Mis' Brighton was talkin' about Supreme Courts and things the other day. They're such know-it-alls. They'll sit around and tell about Constitution and Congress and all like that. The rest of us ladies in the Thimble Club just stand and gawp. Supreme Court and Ulysses S. Grant and so on's none of their beeswax, is it?

RUSH: Knowledge of our national government and its functions is every American's beeswax.

SADE: Study. No, Vic, but don't you think they're puttin' it on?

VIC: Who, Mis' Brighton and Ma Appelrot?

SADE: Yeah, all that monstrous, big important talky-talk, and actually you'd think they were the king of Peoria. What was it Mis' Appelrot said the other day?

VIC: Couldn't tell ya.

SADE: Uhh, a Republican form of government, lah dee dah, Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, Constitution, lah dee dah, receivable taxes, canal zones, Congress, dumpty dumpty dum. Silly. Rush, what did I say about them feet?

RUSH: I keep forgettin' —

SADE: Well, get 'em down. Scratches enough on that davenport. No, but ain't it ridiculous?

VIC: Well, I think —

SADE: Mis' Appelrot's a grown-up woman with a family and a house to keep clean. What on earth does she care about the Congress?

VIC: I think people oughta be a little interested in the government.

SADE: Yes, sure, but why go 'round makin' a big to-do about it?

VIC: People oughta try to understand the government.

SADE [laughs]: What is there to understand?

VIC: Quite a bit!

SADE: They got fellas up there in Washington, D.C.

VIC: What fellas ya referrin' to?

SADE: The Congress fellas and all them. President of the White House and so on.

VIC: There's more to it than that, kiddo. The United States —

RUSH: Lemme tell her, Guv.

SADE: You're supposed to be studyin'.

RUSH: This'll only take a second. And it's fresh in my mind because we just had it in Civics. In the first place, the United States government is divided into three departments.

VIC: The executive, legislative, and judicial.

RUSH: These three departments, Mom, each got a separate function. The executive department is the department that enforces the —

SADE: Keep those feet down.

RUSH: — that enforces the laws. See, when the nation adopts a Republican form of —

SADE [giggles]: Looks like we got a Mis' Appelrot right here in the family.

VIC: What?

SADE: Oh, Rush explains a thing the same way she does. Instead of comin' right out and sayin' what she wants to say, she hems and haws and beats around the bush 'til a person wants to scream. Son, why don't you just say they got Congress fellas in Washington, D.C. that fixes the law?

VIC & RUSH: But there's more to it than that!

SADE: Aw.

VIC: Look, kiddo. The Congress makes the laws.

SADE: Sure, sure, sure.

VIC: The President enforces the laws. The Supreme Court tests the constitutionality —

SADE [enormous giggle]: Oh, there you go! Constitutionality! Oh, my, my, my!

VIC: You oughta be interested in this!

SADE: Oh, sure.

RUSH: Every American should have a knowledge of the functions of —

SADE: Let's have more algebra studyin' and less talk from you, Mister.

VIC: No, but you really oughta know somethin' about this, Sade!

SADE: Why? I got a house to keep up. Three meals a day I have to get. I'm busy. Where on earth would I be if I fiddled around with foolishness?

VIC: You can hardly call the government of your country foolishness.

SADE: Oh, lands, let's forget it.

VIC: Okay.

SADE: Well!

VIC: Hmm?

SADE: Mr. Steelpump that clerks in at Yamilton's gonna be married.

VIC: Is he?

SADE: Marryin' one of the Hunkerman girls. Marie.

VIC: Hmm.

SADE: Rush.

RUSH: Yeah?

SADE: Your feet.